Not Anything Hacking Related, But I'm In a Dark Place

For some reason I thought I responded to your reply. I’m really sorry that I didn’t! Forgive me, lol.

You’re right, I really can’t change others opinions about me. But, it’s life, we really can’t change the thoughts of others. I’ve been good at shutting others opinions out, because at the end of the day, it’s not like I’ll see them in 20 years or so, we will all be categorized with our own individual lives. I been hanging out with people I care about. I few days ago I went out with friends to the cinema and out for dinner. To be honest, it was really nice, I felt cared for, for once you know? I realized just being by yourself can cause unwanted feelings, you nailed it on that one.

Thanks for your advice, it’s very helpful! Have a great life. :grinning:

I am here to tell you, to remind you, it is going to get better. It always does. I know you’re in a dark place, your vision is clouded. There is suddenly no light at the end of the tunnel. It feels like you’re just drowning in gray clouds. Everything is void of color, and it seems like it is going to stay that way. But you’re wrong.

Just stop and breathe. Do the 5-7-8 breathing. Close your eyes and think of someone who loves you. Then think of someone else who loves you. And someone else. Did you notice you came up with three people who love you? I’m sure you could come up with many more, too. You are not alone, not in any way.

I know it seems like some people don’t understand, and truthfully, they don’t. No one can completely understand how you feel. You’re you and you’re unique, just like your mind. People will tell you they’ve had similar experiences and you should listen to their stories. You can always learn something from other’s lives. But stop expecting yourself to be able to explain how you feel. It’s impossible. There are no words you can piece together to exactly describe how you feel. Sure, there are words (hopeless, alone, worthless, etc.) that can help people understand better. But you have got to stop expecting people to understand. No matter how much you want them to. That only hurts you more.

I’m telling you this because I know how much time you can waste trying to explain yourself to people. When you dwell on ways to describe your feelings, you’re dwelling on terrible thoughts that just are not true. You will of course be reminded by people that you’re loved, brilliant, never alone and worth more than gold, but you need to remind yourself, too. When you believe that is when things start to change. It’s so funny how many times you will hear those words describing you and you just laugh. Well, I’m here to tell you to stop laughing. Start smiling and be gracious. Start accepting compliments because you deserve them.

When someone tells you how beautiful you are, how amazing you are, how life-changing you are — look that person in the eyes. Cry if you have to, but accept these things are true. That person was always right about you. You are an incredible person who deserves to believe in herself. You deserve and need to know you’re not alone.

You are loved.

Don’t ever forget that. No matter how much it might feel true, it’s not. None of those terrible things you think about yourself are even remotely true.

Most of all, don’t be afraid to speak up. Don’t be scared to tell someone how you feel. Don’t let anyone push you around. Don’t let anyone try to change you for any reason.

Love yourself.

I hope — I know — life is going to get better. I know you’re crying right now because you’re reading these things you don’t want to believe. But believe them. You are every ounce as amazing as I told you, plus about a billion ounces more. You are never alone. You are never not loved. You are never worthless.

You are incredible. You are amazing. You’re going to change the world. You’re going to change lives. You’re going to leave a mark on the world, whether it’s on the kids you teach or someone else, people will know you were there. People will remember you long after you’re gone.

You are so incredibly important. So stop reading, close your computer, turn on some good music and smile at yourself. Don’t stop until you realize how beautiful you are. Look around and I can guarantee someone you love is right outside your closed door.

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Yea I agree it is not just a “choice” and you can not just “buck up” etc… but you can certainly change habits, find triggers, and so on and try and insulate yourself depression and change how you feel with movies and so on… but it is still hard and for some people it still is not enough.

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I’d just like to say that it’s amazing to see everyone here post their own experiences and try to help you with your issues.

Now I’m not exactly that good with words and everything that I was going to say has already been said on here, and thus I’d just like to share something that really helped me when I had to deal with bullying growing up.

I agreed with almost everything in the video (except for the part of not getting physical with bullies because damn that felt good to finally release all of my sadness and anger) but overall the video teached me a lot of things that I’ve been using up until now in life.

Even if you aren’t getting bullied it’s still an amazing resource to learn how to be stronger in life and thus I thought I’d share it here. :slight_smile:

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Thanks man, that’s so sweet of you! That video was really cool as well! Stay awesome my dude.

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Holy crap man, I’m full-on crying right now. Tears of happiness, though, of course.

Thank you so much for this piece of advice. It really, really touched my heart that you found the time to tell me all of this. It woke me up by a long shot, I’ll be honest; that I need to appreciate more of what I got. Just know that everything you just said, I hope you realize that about yourself. That you are an amazing person who is loved, too, and that you’ll do so many great things in life. Helping a stranger (me) over the internet is one of them.

Again, this touched my heart. Thank you so much. You made my afternoon. I screenshotted your response, by the way, just in case if I need a little reminder. :smiley:

Have an awesome life. You totally deserve it.

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Ive just come across this forum and what an amazing place this is. This is what Tim BL wanted the internet to be like, postiive messages for people who need them. hang in there mate, listen to the words of people on here that care and know you always have a voice. Kia Kaha 0x00sec!

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Well if you ever remember how ARPANet was this is a lot like that, also it’s a lot like the early BBSs, and like a lot of positive communities are out there today, like this one (mostly gaming though I believe). You just need to look hard enough.

On a different note I don’t have a soul, lost it a long time ago, so computers is my passion and drive. A little edm, metalcore, trance thrown in helps too. Oh and to the OP I dumped my gf because I poured into her thousands of dollars, tons of emotional support, love and overall moved mountains for her on a regular basis. Yet I would always get the short end of the stick and would be broke most of the time. So yay for letting myself get abused but safe to say I had enough so I just cut her off, and now she can go fuck off.

Lesson is: If someone is pulling you down, tell them to go fuck off :wink:

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I understand you friend, I also had depression and I know very well that it seems that the world is against you! But what helped me, oddly enough, were studies and hackers (CTF, challenges, etc …) every time I struggled to understand a subject and, thus, being able to solve the CTF that I couldn’t before, motivated me a lot because the feeling of being able to do something that I couldn’t do before was very good. What I have to say is that you remain firm and raise your head, because, as you are here, you are probably someone who wants to improve your knowledge and grow in life, to be proud of all the victories you have achieved in life. Be the victories that you obtained by solving CTFs or even that reward of some video game. Learn from your mistakes, better your qualities and … Keep Hacking :grin: :grin:

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Hey there, shit happens in life… everyone has to go through intense stuff … we probably might not expreience how each other feel but then, i hope you rise from the dark place that you are in.

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Thanks so much, much love!

Thank you very much, I’m really glad you found wonderful coping skills. I’m trying very hard to work with myself, I’m hanging in there!

Much love. Thank you.

everything will get better

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Hey, life is very rough sometimes… but I assure you it does get better. You already showed great bravery talking about it. Its the first step in the good direction even if your mom was no ready/able to deal with it proprely. Now please seek professional help. They will give you the tools you need to win this.

Courage mon ami ~

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Hi!

I hope this isn’t too weird. You don’t know me now, but you’ll know me soon (haha, not a weird brag or anything—I just tend to get very active in these communities and am already sure this will be one of my new favorites).

Above this post, I see many of my own sentiments already expressed (and I will do my best to repeat them). I also see (just a bit) of the “Cheer Up—It’ll All Be Okay” mentality… in their shoes, I would probably be the same … grumble grumble grumble

I am bottoming out of my own depressive episod. Soon it will have been two years—a personal record.

I am also living with my (younger) brother. He is young, aleady has a fantastic career, was recently diagnosed Bipolar I, and has attempted suicide thrice in the past year (luckily he was absolutely trashed for the first two and I interrupted the third…and have since become a virtual shut-in).

As so many others have done already, I extend a hand of friendship (although I hope I am the only stranger among us).

I taught myself Python to pirate, kinda just stumbled into learning C# (and some C++, once upon a time) to bot, and now I’m…looking to throw a couple thousand hours learning how to actually code/hack.

My father and I don’t speak. He’s a massive cunt. Sounds like your mom might be one, too? Either way, FIDO (“Fuck It, Drive On”), brother.

;

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Thank you very much my friend. I am doing so much better. :smiley:

Hi there!

Yeah, those are most of the comments! That’s unfortunately all they can do, however, any advice is appreciated. (:

Wow, I’m very sorry about your brother, but I am very glad he’s alive today. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a family member to suicide.

Hey, that’s perfectly fine, I would love to become friends! As long as you’re not a 54 year old dude who likes to jerk off to little kids haha.

That’s very interesting! I got me a book on how to learn HTML and coding, and I can’t wait to learn more about it!

I’m sorry about your father. Maybe communication would work out soon in the future? I hope all is well. And since this post was posted back in January, and it is now close to April, I can honestly say my me and my mom’s relationship has smoothed up, thankfully.

Have a wonderful life man, you deserve it.