This journey was nothing like I’ve ever experienced before. As I went deeper into my psyche, what I discovered made me feel like someone else was behind the wheel of my life all these years and I was just a mere observer.
I started by exploring the unconscious elements that make up my personality. Habits, personality traits, patterns of behavior, urges and desires. I have to say, if you’re doing something unconsciously, it’s not easy for you to realize that you’re doing it. Imagine that you’re trying to find something you didn’t even know existed. I was lucky, my girlfriend has extreme awareness of her surroundings, and she helped me realize things about myself that I hadn’t noticed before.
I discovered all the elements that I could put together and say, “Yeah, that looks pretty much like me”. None of these elements were the result of my conscious choices. Each of them was caused by wounds inflicted on my subconscious by some experience during my lifetime.
For example, computers have been pulling me in for as long as I can remember. According to the stories my mother told me, in the old days when I didn’t even know what a computer was, every time we walked past a computer store, I pointed my finger and said, “Mom, I want this”. No doubt this is the kind of story that one would call “this kid is born with a talent for computers”. To be honest, that’s what I thought until recently. But at the end of my journey, I faced a different truth.
Now it was time to discover the cause of all this. This mission proved to be far more difficult than the first one. I had to search through all the experiences from the days of my life that I barely remembered and find the ones that had an impact on my soul. I finally discovered all my experiences associated with these elements.
That was it. Now I knew all the elements that made up my personality. I knew which traumas in my subconscious caused these elements. And I knew exactly which events and circumstances in the early stages of my life caused these traumas. Now I had all the pieces of the puzzle, and I was terrified of what I saw once I assembled the pieces. In Jung’s own words, I was meeting with my own “shadow”.
I wanted to dedicate this unfinished story to you on my 1st anniversary on 0x00sec. Of course, time passed quickly